Writing A Stand Out First Message On A Online Dating Website

November 14, 2012 by  
Filed under Relationships

1) Message her, don’t “wink” or “intrigue” her.

Most dating sites have a flirty option which allows you to express your interest without having to actually message a person.

In general, this is not a good way for a guy to approach a girl on an online dating site. It says “Hey, I might be sort of interested in you, but I’m going to let you do all the legwork.”

Don’t give her a nudge and expect her to then message you, because she probably won’t.

2) Unique Subject Line

Subject lines like ‘Hey there’, ‘Hey beautiful’, or ‘My name is Blank’ are so common they are likely to get passed over altogether. If you are a man sending a message to a hot woman, you must assume that her inbox is pretty full nearly all the time. Even if you’re a woman sending it to a hot guy, you must stand out. Go off-the-wall with it. Subject lines like, “Knock knock,” “Can I ask you a question?,” or “I bet I know what your favourite colour is,” tend to work well. Think outside of the box and intrigue the other person into opening and responding to your first online dating message.

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3) Don’t start with “I think you’re very pretty.”

You might think it’s flattering, but in general women don’t like to be approached like that. Especially online, when women maybe a little more on-guard, opening with a comment on their physical appearance runs the risk of seeming shallow and off-putting.

Besides — if they really are that pretty they’re probably hearing that from every unoriginal guy on the site, and it won’t help your message stand out. Start with something else, and then tell her you think she’s pretty when you finally meet in person.

4) Don’t be nervous.

Even if your stomach is tied up into knots and you’re so nervous you can barely type, try to stay calm. Go splash some cold water on your face, look in the mirror, and ask yourself, “What do I have to lose?” Really, it’s not like the person on the other end of the message is going to publicly reject you, and you’ll never have to see this person in real life if nothing comes out of your attempt. The worst that can happen is an “I’m not interested” message, which you can quickly relegate to your trash. And, if you get no response at all, you can do what we do and just pretend it never happened.

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5) Longer messages will increase your chances of getting a response, from about 22% to nearly 35%. So you should write longer messages, right? Wrong. Their rationale is that, while that long messages will get more responses, you’re not going to be able to send as many.

They estimate that if you can only send three messages of 3000 characters in an hour, resulting in 0.71 conversations (a response and then a response from the original sender) per hour. However, if your messages were 200 characters each, you could send 10 messages and get about 1.71 conversations per hour, more than doubling your chances of finding the one. Of course, if you’re focused on just one girl, and only one, write a very lengthy message.

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6) Funny is always better.

If your message can make a woman laugh (and with you, not at you), you’re already half-way there. Once she laughs, she lets her guard-down a little, she thinks you’re funny, and probably smart. Not that you have to turn into Seth Rogen all of the sudden, but in general, on the internet, humour is far less abrasive than, say, ardent fervor.

In other words, don’t be creepy! Don’t come on too strong! Women are extra sensitive to this online.

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